In order to develop your emotional intelligence, understand the nature of the problem discussed in the previous posts below.
Emotional intelligence means that you are a successful social animal. You can relate to others successfully. Intelligence is generally about you. Emotional intelligence is about you and others. If you are emotionally unintelligent, you are socially unintelligent.
Most people who lack emotional intelligence grew up in socially awkward environments. They did not develop the skills to relate, communicate, interact and deal with others. Although, it is possible to develop emotional intelligence unilaterally, but the group is important to sharpen the EI skill. It takes a socially intelligent tribe to raise an emotionally intelligent person.
I used to interrupt my dad in every conversation we had when I was 18 years old. He always told me to listen, let the person finish then talk. It took me a while to practise that. Listening is a practicable skill. It does not grow overnight.
Emotional intelligence is a muscle which requires a daily practice. Finding out socially intelligent people and interacting with them make you aware of what you are basically missing. Developing and growing EI start with understanding two important steps
Self-analysis/awareness is key to understand yourself and your emotions. Controlling emotions starts with an honest self-awareness. Being aware is the starting point. Know what you stand for. Why you do what you do. Emotionally intelligent people have a great sense of purpose which acts as a self motivating tool for them.
Self- evaluation and discipline is how to master controlling your own emotions and having the ability to handle them properly. Handling them is another subject which is to be discussed in another post.
By mastering and carefully handling negative emotions and stressors, emotionally intelligent people self acquire and develop good caring attitudes towards other people. They become selfless instead of being selfish. Caring begins with self understanding and constant self evaluation. People cannot transcend themselves and care for other people if they did not pass the critical stages of self awareness and self evaluation. It is a daily training.
How do we measure EI?
The absence of step one and two implies weaknesses that restrain our social abilities to interact, manage relationships and conform with the group. What put human species on the wheel of life and helped them to discover the world was their ability to socialise, form groups and cooperate to survive for the next day.